Humor

Murphy’s Horse Laws

  • There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat
  • No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off
  • The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks, and need the vet at least once a month
  • A horse’s misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching
  • Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn
  • Tack you hate will never wear out; blankets you hate cannot be destroyed
  • Horses that annoy you cannot be sold and will outlive you
  • Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped
  • If you approach within 50 feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty
  • The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn
  • Your barn will fall down without baling twine
  • Hoof picks always run away from home
  • If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury
  • If you are winning, then quit, because there is only one way to go.
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Have you ever read the horse classifieds?

…and wondered exactly what those glowing descriptions of the horse and his behavior actually means?

According to Holly Covey, we must read between the lines…

  • Easy to Catch = In a 10’x10′ stall
  • Big Trot = Won’t canter even on a 2 mile straightaway
  • Nicely Started = Lunges, but we don’t carry enough insurance to ride him
  • Top Show Horse = Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane
  • Home Bred = Top level of training was being raised on the front porch
  • Recently Vetted = Someone else found something badly wrong with him and therefore didn’t buy him
  • Big Boned = Good thing he has a mane and tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
  • Doing Courses = If tranquilized to the eyeballs and lunged 6 hrs straight before hand
  • Well Mannered = Hasn’t stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone in the last week
  • Professionally Trained = Hasn’t stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone in the last month
  • Should Mature to 16 Hands = Currently 13hh, dam is 14.2hh, sire is 15hh; every horse in pedigree 18 generations back is under 15hh, however this horse will definitely defy DNA and grow!
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I feel this way…

…more often than not!!!

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Things horses spook at…

I adore Bonnie Timmons, she’s hilarious :)

**from her book Hold Your Horses: Nuggets of Truth for People Who Love Horses… No Matter What

THINGS HORSES SPOOK AT:

  • Lions in trees
  • Tigers anywhere
  • Helicopters
  • Large dogs with big teeth
  • Small dogs ” ” “
  • Dogs ” ” “
  • Dogs that weren’t there yesterday
  • Rocks
  • Thermonuclear devices
  • Rogue nations
  • Plastic bags that flap
  • Bugs
  • Everything else
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Ten exercised to become a better equestrian

  • Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don’t pick it up right away. Shout, “Get off, Stupid, GET OFF!”
  • Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice “relaxing into the fall.” Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
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