Humor

Murphy’s Horse Laws

There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat
No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off
The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks, and need the vet at least once a month
A horse’s misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching
Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn
Tack you hate will never wear out; blankets you hate cannot be destroyed
Horses that annoy you cannot be sold and will outlive you
Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped
If you approach within 50 feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty
The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn
Your barn will fall down without baling twine
Hoof picks always run away from home
If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury
If you are winning, then quit, because there is only one way to go.

…and wondered exactly what those glowing descriptions of the horse and his behavior actually means?

According to Holly Covey, we must read between the lines…

Easy to Catch = In a 10’x10′ stall
Big Trot = Won’t canter even on a 2 mile straightaway
Nicely Started = Lunges, but we don’t carry enough insurance to ride him
Top Show Horse = Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane
Home Bred = Top level of training was being raised on the front porch
Recently Vetted = Someone else found something badly wrong with him and therefore didn’t buy him
Big Boned = Good thing he has a mane and tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
Doing Courses = If tranquilized to the eyeballs and lunged 6 hrs straight before hand
Well Mannered = Hasn’t stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone in the last week
Professionally Trained = Hasn’t stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone in the last month
Should Mature to 16 Hands = Currently 13hh, dam is 14.2hh, sire is 15hh; every horse in pedigree 18 generations back is under 15hh, however this horse will definitely defy DNA and grow!

…more often than not!!!

I adore Bonnie Timmons, she’s hilarious :)

THINGS HORSES SPOOK AT:

Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don’t pick it up right away. Shout, “Get off, Stupid, GET OFF!”
Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice “relaxing into the fall.” Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.